I Wish

Dear me,

I wish there was a way I could actually pat your hand and let you cry on my shoulder. A way I could physically squeeze out all your pain, a way I could hold your tears before they fall, a way I could lift you up like I do with my friends, a way I could drive sense into your head and make us believe everything I just said.

I wish there was a way we could be two embodiments, holding onto each other when broken, reasoning with each other when conflicted and supporting each other throughout. Then we could be strong for each other without having to be strong all the time. I wish you didn’t have to feel alone at times but all I could do in those moments was drown in a sea of nothingness with our thoughts a mere drop.

I wish there could be a way we could hold on and trust each other the way we do with every close person. It’s weird that I don’t know if I love you or like you even but there’s a fierce need in me to spill this out and let you know how I hard I wish I could be your support system. I have no idea who we’ll lose, who’ll truly understand us or what the future holds for us but I want you to know that I hope we don’t break each other’s hearts.

I wish to have known you and know you utterly and completely and remind you to be the way you are and change only for the better but I don’t know what better is. And when I do know these words would be but a mere whisper the wind carries as a memory of the past.

I wish you to understand my predicament and that I cannot be what you want to mould me into. I can be what I already am. I wish to have no burdening expectations between us and just live through our shared experiences.

I wish that I had the courage to tell you this before but I’m saying this now hoping you’ll remember forever this letter, gone astray, written by you and me.

Yours,

akshita.