Denying Waves

I feel the waves call out to me

The dark and blue oblivion

Made of hues colourless

Perfect for blackened souls

Maybe being submerged won’t be too bad

Yet a dive was all I dared

Controlling the numbing urge to let go

Resemble the wild water lillies

And yet look grotesque

I hold my breath, close my eyes

The water detracts my self

As every breath I take, aches

Leaving scars and indelible bruises

And every breath I don’t, burns

Leading my way to oblivion

I think of all those well-wishing fools

Who said I could be saved

But how could you save someone,

Who was convinced she deserves

To drown, rot and be forgotten?

In front of them, I wear my smile

An expression of apology, a master of disguise

Or maybe an armor of subdued vulnerability

Isn’t it better to let my salty creeks,

Mix with the ocean,

Rather than pretending they don’t exist,

Housing and hiding them?

Perhaps I want to hear a yes too soon

For the denial is the only thing

Holding me back

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